Culpa
by Sam's Seductress
Summary: Culpa is Spanish for guilt, it also has that same meaning and spelling in other languages. Sort of Dean centric. Chapter 8 is up now! Please R&R!
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Culpa

**Summary:** _Culpa_-Spanish for "_guilt_" or the English word culpability (same meaning). This is set anywhere before Devil's Trap.

**Disclaimer:** If I owned the show and its characters, oh the damage I would do. I seriously would write myself into every love scene if there were any. But sadly I don't own it yet...its on my list of things.

**Warnings:** Mild language, I try to stick to the cursing they use in the show. So using the words f and s will not be anywhere in here because those words aren't used on the show.

**A/N:** Well I'm back again, took a break for a while but now I've got the creative juices flowing. So i hope you like! Pleasereview if you like the story, gives me more reason to finish it lol :D

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"_Dean?"_

"_Sam I'm over here."_

_Sam hopped over branches and logs to get to his brother. "You alright?'_

"_Fine, the son-of-a-bitch is fast that's all. I swear I'm getting too old for this crap." Dean said, trying to suppress his panting when he spoke. "I think I might have clipped its arm, you got any bullets left?"_

_Sam clicked back the latch on the bottom of his gun, letting the clip fall into his hand. He studied the five empty sockets before handing the two remaining silver bullets to his brother._

"_You keep one, you got to have something to protect your own ass." Dean said, taking only one of the two._

"_And I thought that was your job." Sam teased. _

"_Whatever. You go left , I'll go right, and we'll meet up somewhere in the middle."_

_They turned and started in their directions._

"_Hey Dean." Sam said, looking back over his shoulder._

"_Yeah?"_

"_Make it count this time."_

_Dean looked down, thinking to himself for a second._

"_I won't miss."_

_----_

The loud beep of the monitors brought Dean out of his insensibility. He rubbed his hand over his face, shaking himself of the past events he so desperately wish would dissipate from his mind. He glanced up at Sam, who seemed to be resting more comfortably now. He quickly turned away, feeling nauseous at the sight of Sam being hooked up to so many machines. An IV in his arm, a oxygen tube down his throat, small white circles with red and black wire attached to them pasted to the side of his head. It was enough to make anyone's head spin. He scooted his chair away from Sam's bed, carefully using the bars to support him self as he got up. He gave a low yet audible sigh as he gently stroked the back of Sam's hand.

"I'll be right back Sammy."

He walked out into the hall, pressing his back against the pastel-colored wall. He watched the nurses with their clipboards and the secretaries answering phones calls. With all the fuss going on around him, he never felt so alone. The world seemed in slow motion, making Dean Winchester hide within himself, hoping he could turn invisible if he wished it.

"Dean?" a sweet voice called from the end of the hall. It was Sam's nurse, Sydney. Dean let his reveries fizzle away as the young brunette approached him with her translucent pink clipboard and tan folders.

"Good news I hope."

"Some. Sam's test results came back negative for brain damage from lack of oxygen. His vitals have remained stable for the past couple of days.

"So you think he'll be waking up soon?"

"That brings me to the bad news."

Deans heart slowly sank as she flipped through the tan folder that contained Sam's test results and medical forms.

"Sam's complication from his wound is getting worse, the doctor will have to remove the excess air around his collapsed lung."

"What is he going to do?"

"He's going to insert a chest tube. Its as hollow, plastic tube that is inserted into the pleural cavity in between the ribs. The tube will then be attached to a suction device."

"So after they suck out the air, Sam will be okay?" Dean questioned, still clinging onto the prayer of silent hope.

"Well this is a major surgery Dean, there are risks. If something should go wrong in surgery, Sam could go into cardiac arrest or a hypoxic coma.

She could tell by the way Dean raised an eyebrow that he didn't understand what an hypoxic coma was.

"Oxygen deprivation to the brain occurs when insufficient or no oxygen reaches the brain, either because the respiratory or breathing system fails. The brain does not store any oxygen. As a result, if the oxygen supply to the brain is cut off, the brain dies within two minutes. Going into cardiac arrest would cut off some of the oxygen and bringing him back before the two minutes are up would likely put him into a hypoxic coma given his current state."

"So your saying that if he has the surgery he could die, but if he doesn't have it he might die too?" He said with disbelief.

"Hold on just calm down Dean. If he has the surgery and everything goes well he should be back on his feet within a couple of weeks to a month. If he doesn't have the surgery, we can make him as comfortable as possible and monitor his vitals to see if he improves. So yes, I say it would be taking a risk both ways."

She took out one of Sam's medical forms from the folder and grabbed a pink pen from her pocket. "Actually, we need your consent on his surgery."

Dean returned his eyes to Sam, watching his chest rise and fall in a mechanical way. He closed his eyes tightly, trying to hold in the tears that had been burning at his eyes. He lowered his head, pinching the bridge of his nose with his thumb and index finger.

"If he was your brother, what would you do?"

She fixated her eyes on Sam then returned her eyes to Dean. "I would choose the surgery, definitely."

"Yeah me too. Okay we'll do that then." He took then pen and scribbled down his signature, trying to avoid reading the "possible death" and other negative words that were printed on the form. He handed them back to her with a half smile. He watched her eyes fall onto the clock in the hallway. It was 10 p.m. To Dean the last eight hours only felt like eight minutes. "So I guess I have to go now huh?"

_Curse these damn visiting hours._

Sydney gave a sincere smile. "I guess it will be okay if you stay a little bit longer."

"Thanks Syd." He realized how comfortable he had grown with the staff in the past couple of days. She didn't like when people would call her anything but Sydney, but Dean was so handsome that she would melt at the sound of him saying her name, even if it was only part of it.

"No problem." She winked at the elder Winchester and excused herself from the room. She made her way back to the nurses station when nurse Gail came walking up.

"Hey Sydney, how's he doing?"

"He's taking it really hard, I feel sorry for the guy. He's been here all day everyday for the past two weeks. He doesn't look like he's been eating or sleeping. I'm already concerned with his brother's health, now I have to be concerned with his health too." She stopped when she noticed Gail was giving her a funny look. "What?"

"I was talking about the patient."

She smirked and looked down the hall into Sam's room. Dean was sitting by his side, his head face down in Sam's mattress. After five minutes he slowly lifted up, letting the tears trickle down his face.

"Sammy, its time to wake up now, sleep time's over." He wiped his face with the back of his hand.

_God Sam, its all my fault. How could this happen? I didn't mean for it to happen, how could I have been so stupid…_

A small knock at the door shook Dean from his thoughts. He looked over his shoulder, not surprised at seeing Sydney's gentle face.

"I'm sorry but its time to go Dean." She said, her voice sounding sorrowful. She hated that look he had when she told him that.

He stood up, carefully grasping Sam's hand and giving it a gentle squeeze.

"I'll see you tomorrow buddy." He said in a soft tone. With that he left the room, Sydney gave him a pat on the back as he walked out.

"See you tomorrow Dean."

_Yeah tomorrow._

She saw him give a slight wave as he passed thought the glass sliding doors.

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**A/N: Please R&R I'd love to know what you think!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** _Refer to Chaper 1_

**A/N:** Thanks for the reviews...please continue, I would love to know what you think!

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_-Culpa-_

Chapter 2

The chilly night air dashed through the dank motel room as Dean opened the door. He threw his keys on the table and draped his worn, leather jacket over the wooden chair. He sat on the edge of his bed, staring at the empty one next to him. He didn't have the heart to get just a single.

_Sammy's going to be okay. He'll be getting out soon, so he needs his own bed to sleep in._

He scrubbed his hands up and down his tired face as he swung his legs onto the bed. As he laid his head on the pillow, he slowly drifted into the memories that haunted him since that night. He could feel it tearing away at him, the gunshot, the sound of Sam's heart-wrenching hue and cry. He could see the thick carmine seeping through a hole his brothers shirt, his face turning a horrid ashen color in contrast with his bluish lips. Dean could only stand there in disbelief, not even realizing what had just happened. He dropped to his knees over his younger brother, his Sammy. The way Sam looked at him with those chestnut brown spheres was unforgettable. They radiated fear within them, yet a sense of comfort knowing that his big brother was there, to help him, to _save_ him.

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_Dean lurked behind the trees, making as little noise as possible. Every now and then twigs would snap underneath his feet, making him even more alert to shoot the wooly Lycan when it came to face. He saw something rustling through the bushes and quickly followed after it until it stopped at a small embankment of rocks. Dean quickly hide behind a tree about ten feet away from the beast, His chest pounded with anticipation every second he waited for the thing to raise out of its clandestine lair. It was pitch-black, he couldn't see a thing but he could hear it breathing. It almost sounded human, Then again it was a human that had been bitten by another Lycan. When it jumped up Dean made his move. He flailed out from behind the tree and pulled the trigger back on the gun, sending the silver bullet out of its barrel in a split second. Hearing a loud thud, he knew it was obviously its body connecting with the ground. He made his way over cautiously. When he came close he stopped dead in his tracks, his eyes grew wide when he saw the dark brown shoes and the long denim jeans that slightly ran over the top of them. His heart plummeted in his chest when he heard the low blood-curdling groan that came from behind the rocks. He could only think of one thing._

_Sammy._

_He ran behind the embankment, dropping the gun on the ground in horror at what he saw. He slowly bent down next to Sam, placing his head on his lap. Sam was shaking abundantly, every breath he would take in with difficulty making a small wheezing sound. Dean quickly took off his flannel shirt he wore over his black t-shirt, ripping off its sleeve and wrapping it into a ball. He placed it over Sam's chest applying full pressure, trying to block out Sam's whimpers to take it away._

"_It's okay Sammy, everything's going to be fine."_

_Sam raised his pale, clammy hand and placed it over his chest on top of Dean's. A tear rolled down the elder hunter's cheek._

"_D-Dean."_

_Dean choked back his tears, clearing his throat before he spoke. "Yeah Sammy, I'm right here." he said in a shaky voice._

"_I g-guess you m-made the shot count huh?"_

_Sam didn't mean for it to come out the way it did, but Dean could feel the guilt starting to consume him with every breath that he took._

"_What the hell have I done?"_

_-----_

Dean ran his finger around the Styrofoam brim of his coffee cup, staring at the pasty-colored walls of the waiting room. He tapped his foot nervously on the white linoleum flooring, a million thoughts rushing through his head.

"Dean?"

He turned around, a wave of relieve ran through his body when he saw the young nurse.

"They moved Sam into the operating room, would you like to see him before his surgery?"

"Yeah, thanks Syd."

"No problem. Its down the hall last one on your left."

Dean walked down the hall anxiously, not knowing what to expect when he entered the room. He made it to the door and leaned up against its frame, preparing himself as he turned the knob. He surprised to see that Sam wasn't hooked up to as many machines like he had been for the past two weeks. The breathing tube was removed, an oxygen mask now taking its place. His eyes were closed and Dean had gotten used to that. He stood over Sam's bed and took his limp hand in his own, leaning down to whisper in his ear.

"Sam, I know you can hear me. I want you to know that I'm so sorry for what happened. You know I would never hurt you intentionally. It being an accident doesn't justify what I did. It's all my fault and I'm sorry. I hope you can forgive me."

Dean turned his head, hearing the doctors wheeling the equipment down the hall for Sam's surgery.

"Sammy, I'll be waiting right outside. They're going to fix you up good as new. You're going to be fine."

Sam made no motion to his brother. He laid there seemingly lifeless, his eyes remaining closed and his lips still tinged with blue. The sudden movement in Sam's hand shocked Dean.

"Sammy?"

Sam slowly moved his shaky hand up to his oxygen mask, slowly lifting it off of his face. His eyes remained shut.

"Sammy what is it?" Dean whispered, his eyes wide with confusion and fear.

"I forgive you Dean." He said hoarsely. He lowered the mask back onto his face, taking a deep breath.

Dean nodded his head with a smile, the tears stinging his eyes once again. He gave a gentle kiss on the back of Sam's hand.

"I'll see you soon Sammy."

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**TBC..**

**Please R&R! Reviews make me happy, happy authors don't kill their characters in some mishap in surgery…..that was a joke…..or was it?…dun dun dun.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Discalimer:** Refer to Chapter One

**A/N: **Thanks for the reviews. Just so everyone knows _I AM NOT TRYING TO MAKE THIS STORY WINCEST-Y AT ALL_. I really do get appalled at the thought of wincest so I hope you get when I use "brotherly love" and not get that confused with wincest.Okay anyways happy reading.! Please read and review.

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**Chapter 3**

The doctors wheeled two large machines with long plastic tubing and some other small instruments into Sam's room. Dean stood at the door in the hall, watching them intently as they set up for Sam's surgery. Sydney looked up from her paper work and caught a glimpse of Dean fidgeting with his ring. He felt a light tap on his shoulder and turned around. He gave half smile at the petite girl standing with two cups of coffee.

"Just thought you could use a pick me up. I was wondering if I could join you."

Dean looked back through the small glass window into Sam's room. One of the doctors slowly pulled the large blue curtain around Sam's bed, concealing him from his older brother. He returned his eyes to Sydney and nodded his head in acceptance.

"Great." She said with a smile.

She led him over to the familiar armchairs in the waiting room, handing him the steamy cup of hazelnut coffee. They sipped on the hot liquid, looking around the small room as they sat in the uncomfortable silence.

"So how have you been? I know all this stuff with Sam is a lot to deal with, but your doing okay right?" She said warmly.

"Oh yeah, I'm fine. Don't worry about me."

She could see in those glassy hazel eyes that he really wasn't okay. His hair was unkempt and his face was a pale shade, the dark circles lining his eyes stopped just before his cheek bones. He couldn't help but noticed the concern on her face.

"Really Syd, I'm fine."

Dean's eyes trailed down the hall as he sipped on his coffee. He was growing more nervous with every passing minute. His awkward movements made it apparent to her that he was scared for Sam.

"So what happened exactly?"

"What do you mean?" Dean questioned, raising his eyebrow slightly.

"How did Sam get that wound, if I may ask."

Dean studied her features for a moment, then lowered his eyes to the ground.

"You don't have to tell me, sorry I asked." She shook her head in embarrassment.

"No its okay. We were out in the woods. Some hunters were nearby doing some hunting and Sam was hit by a stray bullet."

"And you feel responsible."

"What do you mean responsible?"

"I've watched you with Sam. You seem very protective of him, making sure to get the very best for him. That everything that is done concerning your brother is done in certain way. I hope you realize that is wasn't your fault, just pure accident. Wrong place at the wrong time, that sort of thing."

_Man who is this girl some sort of therapist?_

"Are you using psychology on me Syd?" Dean smirked.

"Nope, just trying to make you feel better."

"Well I told you I'm fine. If you don't mind could we talk about something else, like how long the surgery is suppose to last."

"Well most chest tube surgeries done in the past have been performed in under six hours."

_Why don't they just make it an eternity._

"That's a long time." Dean huffed.

"Well they're working around the chest cavity where your heart and other vital organs are housed. They have to be especially careful with these types of surgeries."

Dean began to play with his spinner ring, a habit he would do when he became nervous.

"Dean he'll be fine, I promise."

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**5 hours later**

Dean saw the door to Sam's room swing open, the doctors in blue wheeling one of the machines out with them. He quickly got up as he saw Sam's male doctor walking toward him with another clipboard and some papers.

"Evening Mr. Winchester."

"Evening Dr. Reye. How's he doing?"

"He pulled through the surgery just fine. He's still a little groggy from the anesthesia but you can go in now if you like."

"Thanks."

Dean paced down the hall with increasing speed. He came to the door of Sam's room, little taken back at what he saw. The plastic tube was protruding out of the side Sam's chest into the one of the large machines. Dean could hear the small vacuuming noise it was making as the numbers on the screen dropped a point every few minutes. He was a little relieved that they didn't have to reinsert the breathing tube.

Dr. Reye quickly walked down the hall and caught up with Dean to explain some of the equipment.

"I know the tube looks a little scary but the machine is still sucking some of the air out of his chest cavity."

"What do those numbers on the screen mean?"

"Well the small number is the amount of air in his chest cavity, and the large number above that is monitoring his heart."

"Is 46 over 34 good?"

"Well the air is still being depleted around his lung so we would like to see that number around 21-28, that number should be down into the twenties in the next couple of hours. As for the number monitoring his heart, you only want that to increase. It takes a couple of hours or even days. Going into the surgery it was 43, so it has increased since then, but we don't want it to drop below forty."

Dean knew what he had to ask but he wasn't sure if he wanted an answer. "What happens if it drops below forty?"

"Under forty is critical, and it could get serious." Dr. Reye gave a low sigh. He felt the vibrating of his beeper in his pocket. He took it out and studied the numbers. " If you don't mind I have to take this. I'll be back to check in on Sam later."

Dean watched the doctor make his way to the East wing of the hospital. He slowly walked into Sam's room, pulling up a chair next to the bed. He watched Sam's sleepy eyes flutter open and scan the room.

"Hey buddy, how you feelin'?" Dean said as he brushed back some of Sam's unruly bangs.

"Tired." he said quietly.

"Yeah I thought so, they gave you a pretty good dose of that sleeping drug. But hey you need the beauty rest cause you like crap." Dean smirked.

"Nice." Sam made a smirky smile underneath the oxygen mask.

Dean looked up as he heard a low tone of the monitor. He sadly watched the large number drop from 46 to 45. He let out a low sigh as he returned his gaze to Sam, whose eyes had shut momentarily.

_Hang in there little brother._

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**Review Please. I hope you enjoyed another chapter.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** If I owned the show and its characters, oh the damage I would do. I seriously would write myself into every love scene if there were any. But sadly I don't own it yet...its on my list of things.Some refrences to the movie John Q. I do not own that movie nor am I making a profit for referring to it.

**A/N:** Thanks for reviewing. please keep them coming.! Enjoyy!**

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**Chapter 4**

Dean's mind was racing as he paced back and forth in front of Dr. Reyes large, mahogany desk.

"Mr. Winchester, try and calm down please."

Dean looked furiously at the doctor, the fire radiating from his eyes.

"Calm down? Calm down! It's been two days and Sam's dropped from 45 to 43, My brother is dying and you want me to calm down. There's got to be something you can do for him, medication, drips, anything."

"I'm sorry but we've done all we can do, my hands are tied Mr. Winchester. The excess air in his chest cavity has depleted, letting his lung return to its normal size, but it even confuses me why his heart continues to decline."

"What the hell do you mean it confuses you! You're the damn doctor here!" Dean scoffed.

Dr. Reye stood up, slamming his paperwork forcefully on the desk. " Mr. Winchester, I will not be spoken to in that manner. Now if Sam's condition worsens within the next 24 hours we can increase his medication in his IV, but that is all we can do for now. There are just something's the body has to do on its own."

Dean placed his hands on the desk, staring straight into the doctor's eyes. " I'm warning you right now, if anything happens to Sam………I'll kill you."

The doctor leaned in to meet Dean's fiery gaze. "Is that a threat?"

"Oh no…...more like a solemn promise." Dean voice was dripping with all seriousness.

"And I'm telling you that I don't take to threats very well, and the same with intimidation." The doctor leaned back and slowly sat down in his chair. "Listen, us arguing isn't going to help anyone. I know that all this is making you upset but I can tell this isn't just about Sam. Why don't you say what's really on your mind Dean."

"Don't alright. I don't like to be handled Doc, so don't handle me." Dean said, raising up a forceful hand. With that Dean walked out of Dr. Reyes office. Some of the nurses that were in the hall turn their stares away as he walked passed them.

_I guess I made more of a commotion than I thought._

When he reaches Sam's room he stood in the doorway, supporting his back against the frame. He hated to see Sam so…helpless. He wished he could breath _for_ him.

_I would die for that kid._

He watched Sam shift in his sleep, taking a deep breath in when he found a comfortable position. Dean walked in and sat in the chair he previously positioned beside Sam's bed.

"Sammy, I hope you can hear me. I don't know what to do here buddy. Believe it or not Dean Winchester, your big bro is at a loss. But they don't know you like I do. Your strong and your going to beat this. That Dr. Reye is a quack, he wouldn't know a heart condition if it bit him in the pursqueeter." Dean smiled to himself at that moment, but it quickly fizzled away when the monitor made a low beep. He didn't even look up, he knew all too well what that sound meant.

_42._

Dean placed a hand on Sam's shin, giving it a light squeeze. " Damn it Sammy c'mon. You can beat this. After all we've been through, after all the obstacles you've overcome, you can't…" Dean's breath caught in his throat, his voice becoming shaky with every word. "I can't lose anyone else Sam. Dad is God knows where, but if I lost you…I have no one. Please Sam, I don't want to be alone…not again."

He shut his eyes tightly, refusing to let the burning tears fall. He felt a light vibration coming from his jacket's side pocket. He pulled out the black cell phone and flipped it open. He gave a loud huff at the screen with the inscribed numbers.

_Friggin' Coordinates._

He snapped the phone shut and let it fall, making a small crack as it connected with the ground. He couldn't blame his dad for not knowing that his youngest child was in a hospital dieing from a wound that his eldest son had inflicted upon him. Dean could handle when his dad was angry with him, but he couldn't bear it when he was disappointed in him. His dad said that he had forgiven him for that night in the hotel when they were younger, when his carelessness almost got Sam killed. But this, this his father could never forgive him for.

"Knock knock, just came to check on him." Sydney said sweetly as she walked in carrying a small tray with two syringes filled with a opaque fluid. Dean slightly cringed when she administered one of the shots to Sam's left arm and one into the IV tube running into Sam's right arm.

"What are those for?"

"Well this one is more medication for his IV. It provides nutrients to the bloodstream, as the blood being pumped to and from his heart the nutrients will hopefully make it stronger. Looking at his vitals, his heart seems to get weaker by the hour."

"And that one?"

"This one…its for the pain." She looked at Sam as his sleepy brown eyes opened.

"Hey Sam. I'm going to give you some medicine right now that's going to make you feel kind of yucky for the first couple of minutes, but it will go away soon okay?" She said kindly.

"…Okay."

Sam's reply was almost inaudible, but Dean heard it, and that's all that mattered.

"Were going to run some more tests on his heart and I'll let you know what I find out."

"Alright thanks Syd."

"No problem, and Dean?"

"Yeah."

"You remember that promise I made you right?"

"Yeah. He's going to be fine."

"That's it. I'll be back later." She closed the door on her way out.

"I'm scared Dean" Sam said quietly. A small tear fell from the corner of his eye, his next breath making his entire body shake.

" It's okay Sam, there's nothing to be scared of, your going to be okay. I wont let anything happen to you. You remember that alright."

Sam shut his eyes and let out a low sigh. Dean watched for his baby brother's chest to rise again, but it didn't.

"Sam? Sammy!"

The loud, long screech of the two monitors sent Dean into shock. The red light over Sam's bed started to blink incessantly. Dean quickly ran into the hall and screamed for help as soon he saw the continuous, green,flatline run across the small screen.

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**TBC.**

**R&R please. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, or am I maybe making people upset/sad/worried?**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:** Refer to Chapter One

**A/N:** Thanks for all the reviews, I'm glad you guys are liking the story, I try not to dissapoint lol. Anyways happy reading.!

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**Chapter 5**

Sydney noticed the constant commotion in front of Sam's door as she carried extra bed sheets into another patient's room. She watched as Dean became hysterical and yell at everyone who told him to calm down, shrugging off the grips off the male nurses. When she saw the red emergency light flashing above Sam's door, she immediately rushed down the hall, placing her hands on Dean's shoulders trying to calm him as the doctors rushed the electrode paddles into Sam's room. She had trouble trying to control his flailing movements.

"Dean its alright. The doctors are in there right now."

"No! Don't touch me, Sam's going to die and its all my fault!"

"Dean it's not your fault, Sam's going to be fine so try and calm down."

Dr. Reye let the nurses place on his mask and stretch the gloves over his hands. " Start the timer."

He said as he quickly cut open a slit in the chest part of Sam's light blue gown.

"Time starting….now." A nurse called out.

"Charge the paddles."

The assistant doctor turned the charger on high and handed the electrodes to Dr. Reye as Sam's heart monitors continued to whoosh with beeps.

"Clear!"

He pressed down on Sam's chest, letting the waves of electricity surge through his limp body. The monitor made a slight spike in the line but returned to a flat line.

"Again, clear!"

Another crease was made in the line but it returned flat once again.

Dean watched in horror through the glass window, tears streaming down his face as they shocked Sam's over and over. "Damn it Sam you fight, you fight it Sammy!" He pressed his hand up against the window, as if he was trying to reach out and touch Sam.

"Flat line for 3 minutes."

"C'mon Sam don't quit on me." Dr. Reye said with frustration. "Clear!"

The last shock made small, continuous waves on the heart monitor. Sam's chest started to slowly rise and fall as Dr. Reye set the paddles back on the small cart.

"Thank God…he's back, what was the time?" Dr. Reye asked.

"Flat line for 4 and ½ minutes Dr. Reye."

"I need those chest x-rays and tests of his heart right away. If this kid goes into arrest again, I don't think we'll be able to get him back."

Dr. Reye walked out into the hallway to meet a very distraught Dean Winchester. " How is he? is he okay?" Dean's eyes were pleading with the doctor's.

"Relax Dean, he's fine. He went flat line for 4 and ½ minutes, and he has seemed to slip into a coma, a complication from the arrest."

Dean's knees buckled under his weight and he sank to the floor with his head in his hands. Sydney sank to the floor with him and gently rubbed his back. He looked up at the doctor. "What's wrong with him? I mean why did he..?"

A nurse came from behind them. "Sorry to interrupt. Dr. Reye, here are the x-rays you ordered." She handed him the large white packet with the name Sam Winchester printed in large black letters across the top.

"Dean, I will talk to you about it in my office if you would follow me."

Sydney help Den rise to his feet. He started after Dr. Reye when he stopped at Sam's door.

"Go ahead Dean. I'll stay with Sam until you get back." Sydney offered.

Dean nodded a he trailed the doctor into his office. Dr. Reye lit up a large screen in the corner of the room, pinning up the opaque x-rays.

"This is an x-ray of what a normal 23 year old's heart should look like." He then pinned up an additional image. " And this is what Sam's heart looks like, as you can see Sam's heart is three times the size compared to the one on the left."

"So what are you saying? He needs a new heart?"

"Yes. But there is a problem. Sam has a pretty rare blood type, AB+. I could put him on a donor list."

"Well put him on the damn list. What's the problem?' Dean said, throwing his hands up in question.

"Well it's not that simple. First we have to find a donor with the same blood type. Then we have to measure the size and mass of the heart to make sure it will fit in Sam's chest cavity. We also have to make sure its healthy. Sam's an adult, and the administration usually puts children with heart conditions on the list first. Getting Sam a new heart could take days….even weeks.

"Weeks! We don't have that much time, Sam isn't going to last that long." Dean screamed.

"Believe me Dean I know that. I'll do everything in my power to make sure his name goes to the top of the list."

Dean scrubbed his hands over his weary face. He looked at the doctor and then squinted his eyes in thought. What he was going to say next, he couldn't be more sure of anything in the world.

"What about me?'

"What about you Mr. Winchester?" Dr. Reye faced scrunched up with confusion.

"I'm his brother, so we have the same blood type. He…he can have my heart."

"Dean wait a minute, think about what your saying."

"What's there to think about? We have the same blood type, and we're only four years apart in age so my heart will fit."

"There's more too it than that. Look at you, you look like you haven't eaten or slept in days. You don't know how healthy your heart is, and what your talking about is suicide."

"So your telling me that if I dropped over dead right now, you wouldn't replace Sam's heart with mine?"

"No but, look there's nothing left to discuss, I won't do it Dean. I just sent out a fax to every hospital in the area, and if we don't have a heart by tomorrow afternoon…"

"Just tell me you'll consider it." Dean's eyes again pleaded with the doctor's.

Dr. Reye studied the hunter's tired features. "Your really serious about this aren't you?"

"Doc, I've never been more sure of anything in my entire life."

"Listen, go home and get a good night's rest. Come back tomorrow morning and I'll tell you what I'm going to do."

Dean gave a curt nod and walked out of the office. He was walking back to Sam's room when he heard a faint feminine voice as he inched closer to the door. He peered into the room, Sydney was sitting in the chair next to Sam's bed. Her head was down, one hand was placed over Sam's chest and the other holding a pink-beaded Rosary.

"In the name of the Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit. Amen." She said as she made the sign of the cross.

"Hey Syd." Dean strolled slowly into the room.

She looked over her shoulder and smiled. " Hey Dean. I hope you don't mind I like to say a prayer over some of my patients. I don't mean to insult your religion what every it may be."

"No it's fine." Dean walked over and sat down on the air condition attached to the window sill. Sydney offered her seat but her action was paused by Dean's raised hand.

"No stay, sit."

"No I shouldn't, I've got other patients to attend too on this floor. But I did enjoy waiting with Sam while you were with Dr. Reye. I hope your talk went okay, better than the last one." She gave a smirk.

"Yeah, you heard that huh?"

"Maybe."

They both laughed in unison. Sydney glanced at Sam. " You gave us quite a scare young man."

Dean lowered his head and stared at the ground. " So he's in that coma you were talking about, a hy-hypo…" Dean struggled to remember the word.

"A Hypoxic coma. Unfortunately yes." She gathered her folder off of the small tray table. " You know if you talk to him, he can hear you. Most coma patients can hear things going on around them, even if they make no acknowledgment to them. You should stay for a little bit and talk to him before you leave."

"Alrght, see ya tomorrow Syd."

" Oh, no you won't. I'm actually off for a couple of days. I have to visit my grandmother in the Hospice a couple of miles from here. Nurse Gail with be Sam's nurse while I'm gone. I hope….I know Sam is going to be ready to get out of here when I get back." She smiled.

"Well thanks for everything." Dean said. It surprised her when he pulled her into a hug.

"All in a day's work. See ya." She walked out, shutting the door behind her.

_I guess that's the last time I'll be seeing her._

Dean sat down in the chair next to Sam's bed. His heart monitor number was currently at 41 still. Dean was happy that it hadn't dropped when Sam went into cardiac arrest.

"Hey Sammy, you scared the hell out of me earlier. Anyways, they said you need a new heart, cause your other one isn't working so well for you anymore. We're going to get you a new on soon buddy. Just hang in there"

_I swear Sam, even if I have to kill myself…..your going to live._

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**R&R. Thanks again for sticking with this story and for all the reviews. Another good chapter I hope. **


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer:** Refer to Chapter 1

**A/N:** This is coming along quite nicely! lol Well I think so. Anyways thanks for reviewing I really appreciate it! Please continue.

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**Chapter 6**

**Morrison Hospital's ICU outside of Sam's room.**

**-next day-**

"Okay I just need you to roll up your sleeve for me Dean." Nurse Gail took out a small needle and a thin plastic tube out of her small teal box. Dean rolled up his sleeve just above his elbow as she blotted the cotton ball with alcohol.

"So what's this for again?" Dean said incredulously.

"Dr. Reye says he needs a sample of your blood to run some tests on. He wouldn't tell me why, I was hoping you would." She said as she cleaned the area in the crease of his arm.

"Uh….he said he'd like to keep it between us." Dean said, giving an innocent smirk.

"Alright I understand. Your not afraid of needles are you?"

"Me? No way." Dean stated firmly.

"Okay Hercules, let me find the vein and then we can get our sample." She flicked his arm three times before the vein appeared. "Take a deep breath."

"You know you don't have to coach me through this right?" he reassured.

"I could close my eyes and just jab it in anywhere if you prefer?" She smiled when Dean's eyes grew wide, his face making a cringe . " I didn't think so."

He took a deep breath as she stuck the needle under his skin. He felt a little woozy when he saw the blood flow out of his arm and into the plastic tube. He had gotten bloody and bruised all the time during hunts, so it even amazed him that he hadn't just got the crap beat out of him by some creature and yet he was feeling faint at the sight of his own blood. Maybe its because he never had to actually "watch" the blood being drained from his body.

"Alright, all done. Now which bandage would you like? I gotPower Ranger'sand Barbie, take your pick." She tried to contain her laughter as she waved around the colorful children's bandages.

"Your just loving this aren't you? Well since you don't have any regular, give me the Barbie one."

She gave him a strange look as she removed the plastic backs off of the bandage.

"What? I always have a hot blonde on my arm where ever I go." Dean gave a sheepish smile as she pressed on the Band-Aid. She looked up and smiled, studying Dean's handsome features.

"What?"

"Funny and cute, I can she why she likes you."

"Who?" Dean scrunched up his face in confusion as she sealed the small vile of blood in a plastic bag with Dean's name on it.

"I guess your not too smart though. I'm going take this to the lab downstairs." She took off down the hall, leaving Dean to bask in his own confusion.

He shrugged it off and rolled down his sleeve as he walked into Sam's room.

His eyes traveled to Sam's heart monitor, he was slightly relieved that it had not dropped since yesterday and was currently at 41. He sat down in the chair and placed his hand over Sam's.

"Hey buddy. I just got some blood taken, Doc says we have to confirm that we're the same blood type before he can do anything."

He looked down at the ground for a second and returned his gaze to Sam.

"I'm going to tell you something's that are pretty important Sammy, so I want you to listen up good alright?"

He reached into his back pocket and took out the crinkled paper he had scribbled his thoughts down on when he was at the motel last night. He held it in his hand for a second, letting all the thoughts run through his mind. He opened the letter and quietly laughed to himself that he actually wrote this stuff down, it amused him more that it was in numerical order of importance, the most important things fell to the top of the list.

"Well first of all Sammy. When you get out of here, you know after you let yourself heal, I want you to go back to school. Become the lawyer you always wanted to be, and make lots of money so you don't have to gamble and hustle like your big bro.

Two, I want you to start dating again and find yourself a nice wholesome girl that you could maybe marry some day and have some kids of your own. I'm telling you Sammy, you need to give Sarah chick a call cause she was perfect for you. But when you get another girlfriend, buy her something every once in a while, they like stuff like that. Dare I say it, you have to tough it out through a chick flick when they want to see one.

Three, I want you to patch things up with dad. Just find him, sit him down and have a long talk. No more getting at each others throats, I swear I'll kick both of your asses if you do.

Four, Always drive a nice car, chicks dig that. Strictly American-made Sammy, none of those foreign imports. Yep….take care of that car for me will ya, remember what I said, I'll haunt your ass if anything happens to my baby.

Umm five, I don't want you to hunt anymore. No exceptions. I know you want revenge on that evil bastard that killed mom and Jessica but you have to remember…. it won't bring them back, and I don't want you getting yourself killed trying to get that revenge.

Six, Sammy, you know whats out there. All the crap we've seen, all the son-of-a-bitchs we sent back to hell. Just promise me you won't………that you won't get lost in the dark. Promise me if you do, you'll always find a way back into the light. I know I said I want you to leave the life you had behind and start over, but don't forget about what's out there. But you don't have to be afraid because I'll be right there p-protecting y-you."

Tears welled up in the hunter's eyes as he struggled to continue. " Here, I'll just save the rest of this and you can read it later." He said, tucking the letter into Sam's coat pocket that was draped over the table in the corner of the room. He heard a low beep. Dean cringed and silently prayed that it wasn't what he thought-knew it was. Turning around Sam's heart monitor revealed the bitter truth, he had dropped down to forty. Dean picked up the tissue box and threw it across the room in frustration. He scrubbed his hands over his damp face.

"Dean, are you okay?" Nurse Gail stood looking in and had just witnessed Dean's little tantrum.

" Yeah I'm fine, did you need something?"

"Well I came to check on Sam, and to tell you that the lab is running its test Dr. Reye will come and talk to you when they are done."

Dean nodded as she came in with one of Sam's charts. She frowned slight at the number she saw on the screen and reluctantly wrote it down on his form. " The doctor told me he needs a new heart."

"He's going to get one….soon." Dean confirmed.

"Well he's on the top of the donor's list so don't you worry, they should have another heart for him as early as tomorrow." She patted him on the back as she left the room.

_Yep, tomorrow is the day Sam. I hope your ready just as much as I am._

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**Hope you enjoyed yet another chapter. Please Review, your oh so good at it lol.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer:** Refer to Chapter 1

**A/N:** I apoligize for the lack of updates. hides I promise I won't make you go through a withdraw like that again. Anyways here is more for your enjoyment.

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**Chapter 7**

"Man Sammy, these pudding cups are made of pure awesome, just like me. You really don't know what your missing ." Dean smiled at Sam as he twirled his finger around at the chocolate remains in the cup.

"When you wake up I'll have you a big bag of M&m's right here, no more 'food through a tube' for you buddy." Dean heard the monitor make a small buzz. "Okay, okay I guess M&m's are my favorite, we can get what you want then." He lightly swept his hand through Sam's long bangs. Dean could see a small movement underneath Sam's closed eyelids.

_Yep, Sammy's still in there. He can hear me._

"Dean?"

Dean turned his attention to the strawberry blonde women standing in the doorway. " Dr. Reye would like to see you in his office to go over some test results." Gail replied.

"I'll be right back Sammy." He gave a light squeeze of Sam's hand before he followed Gail down to Dr. Reye's office. Dean watched as Gail set the tan folder down in front of the doctor.

"Thank you Gail, would you close the door on your way out please."

She gave a nod an shot a smile at Dean before she left the room.

"Take a seat." Dr. Reye took out his reading glasses and adjusted them on his face.

"No thanks , I'd rather stand if you don't mind." Dean replied.

"Suit yourself." He opened the tan folder and skimmed over its contents. Dean folded his arms and tapped his foot on the floor.

"Don't be nervous Dean." Dr. Reye said, looking up from the papers to studied Dean's nervous movements.

"I'm not nervous." Dean reassured.

"That's good, cause you shouldn't be. The tests came back negative."

Dean raised an eyebrow at the doctor. " What do you mean the test came back negative?"

"You and Sam are do not have the same blood type. Your blood type is O, far from AB positive."

Dean unfolded his arms and placed his hands in his pockets as he paced back and forth. He gave a low sigh as his eyes drooped to the floor. "I don't believe this."

"It's not that uncommon for siblings to have different blood types, actually is sort of rare to find ones that share the same type. I thought your reaction to this would be different."

Dean shook his head. "Different how? Should I be happy about this? Break out the keg it's Miller time." He said, throwing up his hands in frustration.

"No, how about a little relieved that you didn't have to go and do something stupid like kill yourself in order to save your brother."

Dean stopped pacing. His jaw tightened as he stared coldly at the doctor, the anger welling up inside of him was about to erupt.

"So now saving my brother is stupid huh?"

Dr. Reye's mouth fell open as he shook his head, struggling to get out what he meant to say. "Dean, I didn't mean…"

Dean stopped him with a raise of his hand. "You know what, save it! I don't think you get it, I would do anything for Sam, as he would do the same for me. I bet you have a family of your own right? You have the pictures of your kids playing in the yard propped up on your fancy desk. Well Sam is my family, so I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get him back. Now if you will excuse me, I have to go tell my brother goodbye."

Dean stomped out of the office, slamming the Plexiglas door behind him. Dr. Reye sat back, twiddling his thumbs as he thought about Dean's last comment.

_He meant he was going to tell his brother goodnight…..I think._

**The ICU, Sam's room**

Dean furiously threw on his jacket, popping up its collar as he usually did. He breathed heavily, it took every inch of self-control for him not to reach across that desk and strangle Dr. Reye with his bare hands. He walked over and took Sam's cold, clammy hand in his.

"Looks like we're on our own Sammy. But I don't want you to worry cause I have everything under control." He glanced at the clock as the hour was nearing eleven.

"Sammy, make sure you remember everything I told you." Dean leaned down, attempting to pull Sam into an awkward hug. He wish he could hold on to this moment forever, shielding Sam from the world one last time.

"Goodbye Sam."

**Manley's Motel, 11:25 p.m.**

Dean paced between the two motel beds, trying to plan out how he was going to do this. He had to make sure to make it as quick and painless as possible. He opened the duffel bag full of weapons from the trunk of the Impala. He took out a long rope, tying it into a noose. He looked at the metal bar in the closet, but could tell right away that it wouldn't be high enough to make it a quick and clean hang.

_Besides, they probably wouldn't find my body for weeks._

He placed the rope back in the bag, taking out the silver 9mm that he kept in the side pocket. It shined in the light as he sat down on the bed. This would be perfect, one blow to head, quick but he wasn't sure about the painless part. Someone was bound to hear the gun shot, he was in the middle of suburbia, so a gun shot wouldn't be too common. He took out a bullet from the case and opened the barrel. He placed it into the empty hole and clicked it shut, spinning it once until its stopped on a random socket. He was sure it was it was on the right one, but he didn't want to check.

_Russian Roulette, just great._

He laid his head on the pillow, bringing the loaded gun up to his left temple. He let out a deep, shaky breath as he turned off the safety. He squeezed the trigger slightly, closing his eyes. He secretly hoped that it wouldn't go off, that it wasn't on the right socket, but he wanted this to be over…now.

"Wow, who would have thought." a voice called out.

Dean opened his eyes, he recognized the voice. It was so familiar, yet it sounded foggy and warped. He sat up, turning his head to the bed farthest from the door. A tall, lanky figure sat on the bed. Its body seemed to give off a white, transcendent glow.

"Sam?"

The first thought that came into Dean's head was that Sam was dead, that he had died at the hospital and his ghost was sitting right in front of him.

"Sammy are you?…."

Sam looked up at Dean, fully aware of what he was going to say next. "No Dean, I'm not dead."

"So w-what are you doing here?" Dean stuttered, he could feel the cold radiating off from Sam's body.

"Watching my brother make the biggest, and the stupidest mistake of his life. I mean, I thought if you were to die, God forbid a hunt gone wrong, it would be fighting to save someone else. Not like this, not going out like a coward." Sam said coldly.

"Sam what are you talking about? I'm saving you. If I don't do this your going to die, and it will be all my fault." Dean lowered his head, a tear rolling down his cheek.

"Did you ever think of what this is going to do to me? Having to live with the knowing that my brother killed himself to save me all because he felt guilty about what he did. I know you take that risk everyday, with every hunt we gone on, but this is just wrong Dean, there has got to be a better way. To be quite honest, I would rather die than have to make funeral arrangements for my brother, not to mention my best friend. Do the right thing."

Dean looked up at his baby brother, watching him slowly disappear from the room. He wiped his face of wetness as his phone rang. He reached over and flicked open the buzzing phone.

"Hello?"

"Mr. Winchester?" the voice said, sounding hurried and out of breath.

"This is he, who's calling." Dean said, not recognizing the voice right away.

"This is Dr. Reye, you must get down to the hospital right now."

"What's wrong? is Sam okay? What happened?"

"I'll explain it all when you get here, just hurry!"

Dean closed his phone and grabbed his jacket before running out into the motel parking lot. He jumped into the Impala, peeling out of the lot in a under a second. As he pulled up to the entrance of the hospital, he could see an ambulance wheeling in a covered up body on gurney. He rushed inside to the 4th floor of the ICU. He was met by Dr. Reye at the elevator.

"Dean." Dr. Reye said.

"What's wrong with Sam?" Dean said, trying to catch his breath.

"Sam's fine, but we have great news. We have a heart. There was a car accident involving a Honda civic and a large black pick up truck."

"Really? Do you know what the license plates on the truck were?" Dean asked. He had gotten another text from his dad last night saying that he would be in town to work another job, and to see why his boys haven't completed theirs.

Dr. Reye looked down at police paper work faxes. "Um CSG 8R3, Kansas plates. Why do you ask?"

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**Please Review...I hope it was worth the wait is unsure**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Dean thought for a minute, letting the license plate's I.D. sink into his mind. He knew he had seen those plates before. _Dad…those are Dad's plates, but he couldn't be…_He knew in his head that a crash involving a Honda civic and a pick up truck that obviously the Honda would get the brunt of the force, but something in his gut was telling him that was not the case.

"Dean, are you alright?" Dr. Reye said with concern.

Dean leaned up against one of the walls of the ICU, letting himself slowly sink to the floor. "Um……who were the fatalities?"

"We haven't identified them yet, but we should have the name of Sam's donor in the next hour or so."

"So… there was only one death?" Dean said, keeping his eyes toward the ground.

"Yes, there were two people involved in the collision, but just one survivor. I think they are in the ER still on the 2nd floor getting checked out." Dr. Reye replied.

Dean slowly got up off of the floor. "Doc, I'm going to take a little walk, you'll page me if anything else come up?"

"Of course." Dr. Reye reassured.

Dean walked down the hall into Sam's room. He wasn't surprised to see that Sam's vitals had improved, he always knew his brother was a fighter. He walked over to Sam's bed, taking Sam's cool hand into his warm one.

"Hey Sammy, um…good news, they found you a heart kiddo. But uh, they told me that there was a car crash, involving a Honda civic and a black pickup truck. Sammy….the plates on the truck matched Dad's…..it was Dad's truck."

Dean cleared his throat, refusing to let the stinging tears leave his eyes. "Um….they haven't identified the body yet so I'm not completely sure if it is Dad, but we'll find out huh?" Dean brushed Sam's bangs away from his face. "I'll be right back Sammy."

Dean walked out into the hall and pressed the down button for the elevator. His mind was still reeling. He had to see for himself, he had to know the truth. Was his father dead? The man who had raised him to be a shoot first ask questions later hunter. He stepped inside the elevator and pressed the button for the second floor.

_Dad would've called me, he would've called to tell me he had been in an accident. He would want Sammy and I to know that he was okay, and that he would see us in a couple of hours at the motel or something._

The large metal doors opened, revealing the crowded waiting room. Dean stepped out, looking around at the weary strangers. He walked over to the receptionist. She smiled at him, "May I help you sir?"

"Yeah, um I looking for…." Dean stopped. He looked into the glass window behind the receptionist desk. He saw a man sitting down, with his head hung low. His hair was a dark brown with some gray peeking through. Dean could see the worry lines in his brow. A bandage was wrapped around the elder man's head, and a cut was just above his upper lip. The man tapped his foot nervously on the ground.

_Dad._

Dean ran into the room behind the desk. "Sir! you can't go in there." The receptionist called after him, but Dean paid her no mind. The man looked up, a look of surprise and worry washed over his face. "Son?" John said. He stood up from his chair, surveying his son.

"Dad, oh my god I thought you were…" Dean's voice trailed off. John pulled his son into a warm hug. Dean embraced him as if he had never hugged the man in his life.

"It's alright son, I'm okay." John pulled back. "How is your brother?" Dean looked as his father with confusion.

"I got your voicemail, how's Sammy doing?"

"He's hanging in there. They said they found a heart for him. I thought it was you Dad, I thought you were the one who died in that crash." Dean's voice cracked.

John lowered his head, "So she's dead." He sat back down in the chair, and Dean sat in the one across from him. John wiped a weary hand over his tired face.

"She?" Dean said incredulously, "Did you know who she was?"

"No, they haven't told me a name yet."

Dean slid back in his chair. "So, do you remember what happened?"

"Still a little foggy, but I was driving here to check out this new hunt, and to check up on you and your brother. Then I was going around a corner, and the road was slick from the rain earlier, I was going faster than I thought. I hit a slick spot and swerved into the other lane, and then I hit a car, pinning it up against a guardrail. They the rest goes black." John said, pinching his brim of his nose trying to remember what happened. Dean reached out and put a hand on his father's knee.

"It's okay Dad." he reassured.

John looked up and smiled, remembering all those times he had come home from a hunt and Dean would say those words. "Okay son."

Dean took John to Sam's ICU room. His father was taken back by what he saw, he had never seen Sammy so….helpless. He watching his youngest son's chest slowly rise and fall. He pulled up a chair to Sam's bed. "Hey there Sammy, its Dad. I hope you can hear me." John rubbed small circles into Sam's hand with his thumb. " I love you son, you just hang in there okay."

Dean smiled as he watched his father with Sam. A knock interrupted his thoughts. Dean turned around, Dr. Reye was standing in the doorway with a sad look on his face.

"Dean can I talk with you for a minute?" Dr. Reye asked.

Dean looked over at John, "Go ahead son, I'll stay here with Sammy."

Dean walked out into the hallway with the doctor. "What's up?" Dean asked.

"Dean, we have identified they donor." Dr. Reye said.

"And?"

"Sydney Davalos." Dr. Reye said quietly.

Dean's heart dropped. "Syd? Sam's other nurse?"

"Yes, I'm afraid so. We'll be prepping Sam for surgery in the next hour. I'll let you get back to you family."

Dr. Reye disappeared down the hall. Dean shook his head. He was happy that his father was alive, but Sydney was dead. He could remember talking to her a couple of days ago, before she left to see her grandmother. He could see her innocent features, sparkling eyes, and flowing chestnut locks. He punched a wall, running his hand through his hair with his other hand.

"Damn it, why did it have to be her?"


End file.
